The cocoon

I've been wanting to write something about this topic for quite a while now as it's really close to my heart, but as I'm not really a writer I never really ended up being able to put my thoughts down on paper in the way that I would like it. So I asked my friend Heidi Lakin, who does a lot of things and one of them is writing stunning poetry, to write a few lines for me on this topic to put alongside my paintings. 

For the last, probably, two years all my paintings and collages I've done have had a common thread and came from the same place of inspiration, which is the story of walking through painful seasons in life. May it be seasons of loss, seasons of change or seasons of heartbreak. Seasons where you feel like you've lost a part of yourself and you don't know if you'll ever get it back again, seasons where absolutely nothing is making sense and you feel like you're doing a massive detour and some seasons are so painful that your heart is physically aching.

You know that you know that you know that it will all be okay in the end, but the journey to "okay" seems like forever. Nothing really in life is constant; people come and go, seasons come and go, and the only thing that is constant, which is the one thing I keep holding on to, is His voice. His silent, gentle whisper throughout the storm. He always meets me right where I need Him. 

Looking back through all my journeys, I can say that I've never felt closer to God, than when I'm going through a difficult season. Not because He suddenly is closer, but because I need Him more and so I draw closer to Him.  

Below, Heidi's stunning poetry alongside my paintings. xo 



Prodded and poked
The shell is both friend and foe
Protected from whatever is out there
Yet somehow out there seems easier than in here
Shadows of gloom persist to dance
I sit and wait; I trust His voice
I begin to see
The black, the pain, within is something new
A beauty is found in this wretched place
I begin to notice the buds of change
Like a cloak ready to bloom
The moment here holds more
More than just a dark night
This moment holds a window
I sit and wait; I trust His timing
Feel the honesty of the sword
Feel the truth of revision
Evolution can only happen here
There is nothing else for me
No matter how small I feel
The mantle of ‘flourish' has found me
The calling of ‘soar’ beats in my ears
I sit and wait; I trust His silent work
Any moment now
I will dance right out the window
With wings of painted oceans
from depths only a soul can know
Words by Heidi Lakin

I did this collage at the beginning of the year and its about the different chapters we go through in life. Some of them are big ones, some small ones, some are filled with breathtaking memories, some tear you apart and change you forever, some are obstacles you overcome, some are mountains you conquer, some are times where nothing makes sense, but no journey is ever one straight line. They're more like ebb and flow. One step forward, four steps back. One giant leap forward, a tiny step back. 
For this collage I printed out paintings of mine and ripped them into pieces that are supposed to look like a mix between pages of a book, representing the chapters of life, and silhouettes of the mountains, for the mountains that we climb. 

xo Janina